Johnny S Testimony

I’ve been pursuing recovery for around seven years now. I’ve kind of jumped around from rehab to rehab. Right now, my sobriety date is July 26, 2026.

I feel like recovery at Steelbridge has been the smoothest for me because it helps connect me to God. It keeps the thought of creating a new self, being renewed through my mind, renewing my heart, and just who I am at the forefront of my mind.

When I was here a year ago for six months, I kind of strayed away because I was testing the waters. I was fantasizing about drinking more. That’s something that trips me up often, still fantasizing or reminiscing about the good times in the past and not really recalling all the bad times and all the bad places it led me down to.

I think playing the tape forward is super important for me.

I have to remember the past and where it’s going to take me: jail, back into rehab, stressing my family out, being absent, and not being responsible and accountable to my family.

When I get to that point, it’s really soul shattering.

I think I drink and use drugs to escape. Then when it all sets in, it feels soul shattering when I realize how far I’ve strayed away from my family, God, and the people who keep me sober. The people who love me.

Fortunately, I was raised in a pretty good family. My mom had me young, but she met my stepdad and they worked really hard. They were always working, but we always had what we needed and we were always provided for.

My biological dad was an alcoholic, but he was never in my life. Maybe that did a little bit of damage to me as a young kid, but I was so young that I don’t really know.

God did bless me with my stepdad. That’s a big thing for me.

He’s a good man. He’s a good role model. I don’t even refer to him as my stepdad. He’s my actual father. I even took on his last name and got it legally changed because my stepdad has always been my biggest role model.

He had me in sports and all that stuff, and it’s unfortunate that I strayed away. I know it’s tough for him to see me do that. He kind of keeps his distance but still loves me. It’s kind of a manly, tough love type of thing, which I needed for sure.

It allowed me to realize what I was doing wrong and actually seek recovery instead of just thinking everything was okay.

It also helps to have the support of my mother and my grandmother. They supported me through a lot of struggles. A lot of stuff I faced alone, but I also had a lot of good support.

When I look at other people’s situations, I’m definitely blessed. I know that compared to some other people, I’m coming from a place of abundance as far as support, love, and family. I try to help out and give back to people when I can because of that.

I just want to get back on the same page with my family and be the person that they always knew and always saw the potential of me being.

Mostly, just being there for my family is my main concern. Especially now that I’ve got a son.

Before coming back, there were five or six months where I didn’t see my son at all. I was kind of just working here and there. I had two good jobs at separate times. I had a job at Flying Star, which was a pretty decent paying job, and I lost that due to my drinking. Then I had a job at a lumberyard. That was a pretty good job, and I lost that to my drinking too.

Through that whole time, I was absent for my son.

I thought I was at least going to be able to maintain contact with him, but through my drinking, I wasn’t able to be present for him.

I just knew that I didn’t want to keep living like that.

That was the biggest thing. I was tired.

I was tired of getting something good going and then ruining it from drinking, then getting something good going and ruining it from drinking again.

The six months I had here was the longest sober time I’d had. When I was out there, I would go two or three weeks, maybe at the most, if that, and then go right back to drinking again.

I was trying to numb and escape my existence. Like I said, trying to escape has always been mine.

When I was younger, drinking was just the thing to do. Me and my friends were drinking a lot. We would have little parties, and I was smoking daily. It seemed okay then. I mean, it probably wasn’t because we were so young, but it quickly got out of hand.

Around 19 to 24, my drinking really got out of hand. That’s when I started getting involved with harder substances.

Since then, it’s just been a roller coaster, mainly lows.

It’s been me rebuilding my life and getting good stuff going for me, and then watching it all crumble away. Sometimes in what seems like days or weeks. It was all gone because of my drinking and my using.

My mindset is definitely different now.

I know all the ways that it hasn’t worked for me, and that’s pretty much every way that I’ve tried to make it work. Drinking normally. Only doing this amount of drugs on the weekend. Whatever it was.

None of that has worked for me.

The only thing that I’ve really found relief and sustaining peace in is God and Jesus Christ, for sure.

I don’t just say that because I’m in a Christian program. I grew up Catholic, but I know the power of God and the power of Jesus is really real.

It’s definitely “a peace that surpasses all understanding,” like it says in the Bible. It’s hard to explain.

I think that I can have it my way and have control over my life. I think I can manage my drinking, but it always backfires on me.

When I submit to God and Jesus instead of myself, alcohol, or whatever I may be into at that time, it’s a lot smoother sailing, for sure.

It’s not like it’s all unicorns and rainbows, but it’s definitely manageable.

Knowing that God is on your side, you can feel the presence and the power behind it when you’re actually living it out. Things just fall into place.

“Seek first the kingdom of God.”

Sometimes it seems like things are falling out of place, and then they fall into place. It doesn’t always happen the way I thought it would go, but it goes way better than anything I would have imagined.

That’s where I’ve been learning to trust Him more.

-Johnny S