The Father Who Never Let Go

My father was an amazing man, the kind of man that loved his family with every beat of his heart. On June 8th, 2009, I found myself on my knees in the Colorado Springs hospital, praying harder than I had ever prayed in my life. I begged God to save him from this cancer. I begged him to spare me the pain.

On June 9th, 2009. I lost two fathers. I lost my dad…And I turned from God. I couldn’t understand how a God who loved me could let my father die. I carried that anger, I carried that silence, and I carried that loss like a shadow.

On October 3rd, 2013. I was given a beautiful baby girl, Cataleya. She was the light in my darkness. She was proof that heaven still touched earth, even when I didn’t believe it anymore. She was everything I wanted. She was the start of a family.

April19th, 2014 came. God took one of his angels home in the middle of the night. We weren’t ready. We weren’t prepared. When our angel went home our foundation crumbled and everything fell apart. I tried with every part of me to hold the pieces together, even as everything shattered around me. In the middle of the chaos, In the middle of my grief, my anger, my confusion. I felt something I hadn’t felt in years. I felt Gods hand in mine. Even while I was fighting my demons, even while I was battling the darkness, I realized I wasn’t fighting alone. I had spent years believing God had abandoned me. But in the end, He was the one who stayed.

-Kristopher Land